The other day, a 30-something guy asked me who, in my younger days, were my favorite singers. I tried to come up with names. Hazel loved Perry Como. I didn’t have a favorite singer, but I could name lots of comedians.
I have a picture of Red Skelton hanging in front of me right now. Next to him are the Marx Brothers.
I preferred Henny Youngman over Bob Hope, George Gobel over Robin Williams, but like all who made me break up.
Johnny Carson’s three disc series that covers his show for 20 years, up to 1992, is really funny. Don Rickles is a different kind of funny, as is Flip Wilson, George Carlin, Jack Benny and Buddy Hackett. but they have all made me laugh.
Henny Youngman was a tall man who played a lousy violin. He’d deadpan deliver one-liners and put downs, like:
‘Did you hear St. Pat’s Cathedral has a drive-in confessional? Toot and tell.?
‘A banker is swimming. A shark rushes toward him and veers away — professional courtesy.?
‘A furrier crossed a mink with a gorilla. Beautiful coat but the sleeves were too long.
‘Guy says to me, ‘do you like bathing beauties?? I says, ‘I dunno, I never bathed one.??
‘Think about it. What do you send a sick florist??
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Certainly you’ve heard a salesman criticized for ‘charging what the traffic will bear.?
When the public thinks of charging that way they are prone to think of something along the lines of the successful optometrist teaching his son the trade:
‘Son,? he said, ‘when a customer comes in for his glasses and asks, ‘how much?? you look him straight in the eye and tell him, ?$50.? If he doesn’t flinch, you say, ‘for the frames — the lenses are another $50,? and you watch him closely. If he still doesn’t flinch, you add very quickly, ‘each!?
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It isn’t just mothers and grandmothers who have fascination for babies?? feet and fannies. When a friend first saw his newborn son, he uncovered his feet. He wanted to see if he could tell if he would be a fast runner.
In one of my books of inspiration and humor is this:
A Baby’s Feet
A baby’s feet, like sea shells pink,
Might tempt, should heaven see meet,
An angel’s lips to kiss we think,
A baby’s feet.
No flower bells that expand and shrink,
Glean half so heavenly sweet,
As shine on life’s untroddened brink,
A baby’s feet.
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Quickies: There’s a substitute in the dairy case: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Well, read the label. Become a believer.
During the nauseating McCain vs Obama campaign both said, ‘I want to restore confidence in government.? Restore? When did we ever have confidence in government? Maybe war time.
I probably got it wrong, but wasn’t one of them asked what they thought of Roe vs Wade, and he answered, ‘I’d rather float.?
Trying to find a street in a big subdivision I was surprised to see really how few ‘For Sale? signs were posted. The news media would have us believe the unemployment figure was 90 percent and employment ten percent instead of the opposite.
Ah, well. Take a guess, how many muscles in your ear. Nine.
And, who’s counting: When mating, a hummingbird’s wings beat 200 times per second.