? Dove, the soap maker, has a new lotion, Deep Moisture. Their commercial claims other lotions just lay on your skin, and they show a woman lathered up in a shower with her clothes on. They make that sound like that’s a bad idea, but speaking for an old single male, that kind of showering doesn’t sound too bad. May take a little longer to towel off.
? While in a bank the day, a new quarter was released from our mint, I overheard a man ask to buy $15 worth of this new release. Why, I asked my teller. She said some people think those quarters are going to be worth a lot of money some day. The way inflation grows one of those quarters might be worth a nickel.
? I’m offering a reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons who took my three hosta growing planters out of my manure speader and disposed of them in nearby bushes.
? Believe their actions not their words.
? On a recent evening I sat at the table with a clicker in my hand. Try as I might, I couldn’t get from Channel 2 to 4, and I clicked a lot. I looked down at my hand and found I was clicking a cordless telephone. I know it’s stupid, but that’s also life.
? Brigham Young University scientists have spent years analyzing more than 4,000 bones from a quarry west of Arches National Park. Why? The bones suggest a massive die-off, likely from a drought. This happened, scientists guess, some 124 million years ago. In my next life I’m going to be a scientist. Where else can you get by using noncommittal words like suggest, likely and guess and get paid for it?
? ‘Have you seen this very cute Traveler’s Insurance commercial, where a little white dog finds a suet bone in its dish? First the dog buries the bone in the yard, then it’s seen tossing and turning, unable to sleep. It gets up, takes the bone to the treasury building in Washington and leaves it in a safe deposit box. Still unable to sleep, it retrieves the bone and is seen taking it home. Like I say, cute.
? Our failures are the only growth industry in the United States.
? From ‘The Garlic? magazine, the ‘world’s smelliest news source.? The U.S. Post Office is pricing themselves out of existence. With e-mail, and on-line services they are a relic of the past. Packages are also sent faster and cheaper with UPS. The good news from the post office is they do not plan to raise postage rates this year, but will in 2010.
? Several years ago Will Rogers said, ‘Things can’t go on like this, and they didn’t, they got worse.?
? One more from the late Will Rogers: ‘Ohio claims they are due a president, as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.?
? In 1955 the name of Michigan State College was changed to Michigan State University by the Legislature.
? Insect rule of thumb: Drunk ants always fall over on their right side. Wonder how much taxpayer money was paid some university scientist to determine that so-called fact? I approve spending whatever it takes to prove that finding false. Hear that, Carl Levin and Debbie Stabenow? Get on that and off approving an ever-increasing national debt.
? When an advertising agency gets a product to try to sell, they first consider the demographics. You know, who are the likely buyers, and how do we reach them? The tv ads for Viagra say, ‘See our ads in Golf Magazine.? Nuf said.