According to one reader Lapeer, all my Jottings columns are nonsense. I have a file labeled ‘nonsense.? This writing comes from that file:
? Snowmobiling is a great way to get away from people yelling, ‘Fore!?
? Lexus automobile advertising is very open in who their customers can be. ‘Lexus: Leases for the well qualified!? Those are the same people who President Obama has earmarked to retire the national debt.
? Every path has its puddle, every road its pothole and every dam a leak.
? This ‘nonsense? will have only this one more comment about our president. Before signing the nauseatingly obligating stimulus law he said, ‘There is no pork in this bill!? Obviously he doesn’t feel paying $30 billion for a swamp in San Francisco, home of a particular mouse, is pork spending.
? By the time you read this, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will be home from her treaty-seeking mission around the world. On one of her early stops in Japan the bags under her eyes were big enough to have qualified for checking at the curb. Next time I saw her, I continued looking for the bags. Nothing. Smooth as baby cheeks. Wonder if that first maker-upper is still on her staff?
? ‘Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stocks and hold it ’til it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.? Will Rogers
? If you want to see a generation of kids who become really screwed up, have Congress pass a law mandating exactly how children should be raised.
? Another (there have been many) inconvenient caller started: ‘This is Mary of Living Way. Do you need burial insurance?? Yes, but only if it includes telephone solicitors.
? When the tides turns against you, just lie on your back and float.
? Life of man: school tablet; aspirin tablet; Stone tablet.
? Here’s a news item I read recently. Anyone interested in attending college can apply online, have their personality reviewed and a college will be recommended. I don’t want to even imagine what school would have been recommended for me. Reform?
? When travelling north on I-75 at lunch time, skip the usual stops like Spike’s Keg of Nails in Grayling (which is good) or Big Buck Brewery in Gaylord (which is just ok) and take the Vanderbilt exit. Right away on your left you’ll see the ‘Ugly Bar & Grill.? The outside is deliberately painted ugly, and the inside is terrific. Please note the corner posts holding the ceiling over the bar. And, they’ll give you a 10 percent off coupon for your next visit.
? It is useless to put the brakes on when you are upside down.
? Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.
? Poker odds: Odds of getting one pair in a hand of poker: 1 in every 1.37 hands. Odds of getting 3 of a kind: 1 in every 46 hands. Odds of getting a straight: 1 in every 508 hands. A full house: 1 in every 693 hands. A straight flush: 1 in every 72,192 hands. A royal flush: 1 in every 649,739 hands. And my friend Milt has had 47 royal flushes. He had 3 in one day and 10 one year, but that was in his former, annual go-to-Vegas days.
? ‘Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.? Will Rogers.
? More about a deck of cards; there are 2,598,960 possible hands in a 52 card deck. On a ‘no wild card? slot machine there are 282,660 paying hands and all but 84,480 of them pay back more than was played in.
? Tanning at the nudists? beach leaves no stern unturned.