Here, Shayna! No, come and find me, Master!

Sunday, February 9 was a gorgeous day, cloudless and sun-filled. The hint of spring after a series of bitterly cold, snow driven days.
Visiting daughter Susan about noon, I learned her dog, Amber, had taken advantage of the weather and wandered away. Susan found her walking a sidewalk a quarter mile away.
It was late afternoon when I decided to check on Shayna. She’s been restricted by a charged collar that kept her within 90-feet from the house.
So long that for most of the winter I’ve removed the restriction and watched her charge after a deer, duck or cat, then slide to a halt 90 feet away.
I really didn’t drive very far in my search, as I reasoned she would find her way home. After all, why would my dog, who gets table scraps (which she loves), a treat every time she comes through the door, leftovers like spaghetti (which she loves), ice cream every other evening, front seat setting every time the car leaves the yard and ear scratching with regularity?
Concern increased as time passed. Then I noticed my answering machine blinking. ‘My name is John and I have your dog.?
Shayna has a tag on her collar put there by the rescue kennel where we met. A phone call to the kennel brought us together.
She was sitting in John’s front yard with him scratching her ears, her smile wider than a canyon and her eyes brilliantly happy.
This was the sixth time Shayna has wandered. Only once did she come to my call.
By review, Shayna and I went to a training session early in our relationship. It was very beneficial, for her. She learned to turn her head away when my call was urgent.
She learned to always lay in the middle of a hall, in doorways and behind the car. She learned facial expressions showing sadness, boredom and want.
She was taught that shedding is appreciated most when a wearer has black clothes. That odor making is best when the recipient shows the most exasperation. That having blue eyes draws raves from girls.
That lying on the floor next to the master lying on the sofa and resting your chin next to his nose brings an, ‘Ah, Shayna, you’re something else.?
Back in my clutches, I checked her collar. The batteries were dead. They are dead no more. So help me, Shayna, you’re going to learn to stay in the yard. You’re going to learn to mind me. To come when I call. To obey me. You got that, Shayna?
Stop that yawning and pay attention!
Shayna, do you hear me?
Aw, nuts! Okay , Shayna, what do you want? Ice cream? Okay!
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The Michigan Wildlife Conservancy is asking the Michigan legislature to devise and fund a bounty system designed to exterminate our growing population of wild hogs.
It isn’t just a Michigan problem. Wild hogs have been seen in major packs the past several weeks in Washington, D.C.
You can see them on television just about any time of day lined up at the stimulus trough, their snouts buried in greenbacks, their ears covered and greed showing.
They’d be easy picking for bounty hunters and the bounty would stimulate the country’s recovery.
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Since I’m on a roll, might as well keep attacking. President Obama vowed before his nation of followers to eliminate the practice of hiring lobbyist to work in his administration.
The most recent exception came this week in naming a lobbyist to be second in command at the Pentagon.
Germany has more carbon reduction fixtures than anyone, yet they have no less carbon dioxide in the air than others less fixed.

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