Doubling up: 2 favorite topics in one column
Bacon ‘n Shayna!
If you’re not interested in either of these subjects perhaps you will tune in next week when I try to explain the origin of the universe, how automobile companies know how to build cars that get 1,000 miles per fill up (but won’t manufacture them because they own all the oil companies in the world) and why politicians, lawyers and journalists never vary from facts.
Bacon! Christmas 2003 daughter Susan signed me up for the Bacon of the Month Club. Christmas 2004 daughter Luan promised me a pound of bacon a month.
Seems Luan’s memory lapses and she has to catch up by giving me three at a time. Her recent gifts included single pounds of Smithfield and Thorn Apple Valley.
Both are labeled naturally hickory smoked. Smithfield’s label also reads thick sliced. There were 14 slices in my gift package.
Thorn Apple Valley’s offering promised no particular thickness, but looked like regular slicing. There were 13 pieces.
It struck me as odd that there were more thick slices in the package promoting thickness, than there were in the non-bragging labeling.
By the way, Hormel has 14 slices to the pound.
All bacon ‘n tomato sandwich eaters know winter is not the time to experience great pleasure in their consumption.
This time of year the tomatoes just ain’t got it. Though the pushers make their displays look colorfully inviting, and they entice you with ‘vine ripened,? ‘hothouse grown? and ‘Beefsteak? come-ons, they are far from as flavorful as Michigan grown tomatoes.
You know, the kind that you can pick and eat in the garden or on your way to the house.
It’ll be more than three months until we can again taste that experience, but in the meantime we must have bacon ‘n tomato sandwiches, so, I recommend using Roma tomatoes now. Their taste comes closest to our home grown goodies.
– – – 0 – – –
Before I get into Shayna’s (all dogs?) pet peeves, here’s a truism from a Great Dane: ‘Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.?
Dog’s Pet Peeves
Yelling at me for barking ? I’M A DOG!
Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why’d you buy carpet?
Blaming your pharts (sic) on me — not funny — not funny at all.
How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?
Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose – stop it!
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered the firm handshake thing yet.
How you act when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re jealous.
Dog sweaters. Hello, have you noticed the fur?
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.
Now this Winston Churchill quote: ‘The nose of a dog has been slanted backward so he can breath without letting go.?