It just isn’t right.
It’s un-American!
It’s lying, deceiving and outrageous!
What I’m talking about is television schedules for sporting events. Especially the big four – football, basketball, hockey and baseball.
The printed schedule will list a starting time as, say 1:00. But, that’s nowhere near the start of the game time. That’s when the hype starts. That’s when we see previews of players arriving on a bus, or logos being painted on the field, or grass being planted for the game that ‘is about to start.?
If a fan goes to a stadium for a game that starts at 1 p.m., they darn well better not be late. They will be jeered, cursed and condemned ’til death, or worse, due us part.
That live game will start at 1:00.
But, on the tube an hour of preliminaries brings sponsors selling aches and pain pills, beer, hair grower, beer, hair removers, beer, diets, beer, insurance, beer and oh, yeah, beer.
By the time the game starts, people like me don’t care who wins, can’t find the clicker they threw at the tube and have run out of beer.
Why can’t schedules be printed saying, ‘This game will start immediately following 35 minutes of nauseous commercials, or in about an hour??
This should be made into law, with violators being sentenced to watch and hear 16 hours of continuous pregame hype.
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Street (gutter) poetry:
A phart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
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I have seven of Johnny Cash’s CD’s. I just love the bass guitar chord strumming and his singing. Sometimes I pay attention to the lyrics, but not always. My friend Nick says he never listens to country-western singers because they just vocalize words that don’t rhyme.
I paid particular attention to my latest Cash compilation. I think it may prove Nick’s point, but the words stuck, and here they are:
‘I got great big blisters on my bloodshot eyes from looking at that long legged woman up ahead. What she does simply walking down the sidewalks of that city makes me think about a stray cat getting fed.
‘She’s got a whole lotta motion in her soul, I know but her soul ain’t the place she lets it show.
‘She got a body Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); She got a motion Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); Lord, I’m blistered Oh, yeah (oh, yeah).
‘She done tore my soul apart, put big blisters on my heart, what a mighty crazy cooking way to go.
‘I got great big blisters on my fingertips from reaching in my pocketbook and picking out the bill. And I got tiny white blisters in my throat from trying to ease my nervous tension, taking all them patent pills.
‘And ever since she started running round from bar to bar, I just can’t eat a bite or keep my stomach settled down.
‘She got a body Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); She got a motion Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); Lord, I’m blistered Oh, yeah (oh, yeah).
‘She done tore my soul apart, put big blisters on my heart, what a mighty crazy cooking way to go.
She got a body Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); She got a motion Oh, yeah (oh, yeah); Oh, I’m blistered; Oh, yeah (oh, yeah) Oh, oh, oh, oh…..?
Now, ain’t that purty? Oh, yeah?
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My luck isn’t always bad. I learned on a newscast last night that one of the drugs I take can be harmful.
I’ve been swallowing Paxl tablets for half dozen years with fine results. The report was that if you’re pregnant you should not take Paxil.
That ‘pregnant? part keeps me from contacting a law firm that would likely bring enormous compensation for pain and suffering I could feign.
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All right, let’s end this week with a last gutter-heard remark:
A husband says to his wife, ‘What would you do if I won the Lotto??
She says, ‘I’d take half, then leave you.?
‘Excellent,? he replies, ‘I won 12 bucks, here’s $6, now get out.?