It was in the 17th century that Chancellor of Germany Otto von Bismarck uttered those now famous words: ‘To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.?
Frankly, observing what our Lansing Legislature has been concocting the last year has given me more indigestion than watching ground meat being pushed into a thin casing made from animal intestines.
As repugnant as that may seem, have you seen some of the ‘pork barrel? legislation being discussed in Lansing?
Here’s just a sampling:
+ A proposal to rescind the Sunday liquor laws so that thirsty Michiganders can quench their thirst earlier than the noon restriction is under consideration. Boaters want to launch their craft early in the morning with a cooler full or brewskies. Do we really need more alcohol-influenced boaters on our already crowded waterways?
+ Discussion is underway to make the third Sunday of September ‘Children’s Day.? Now, I know we all want the best for our children, but isn’t every day Children’s Day? I thought we had reached for the ridiculous when Grandparents? Day was declared, because doesn’t Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cover that? For Children’s Day let’s just designate their birthday as their special day.
+ House Bill #5406 will allow people with inflammatory bowel problems to use ’employee only? restrooms in retail stores. A doctor’s note will have to be produced to prove that one’s anal leakage malady merits using the pristine confines normally provided to employees of the store. Hopefully, the time taken to review the note will be short-lived to allow the customers to make a quick trip to the commode.
+ To emulate the closing episode of ‘Seinfeld,? our pseudo brainiacs are now crafting a Good Samaritan Law wherein people who witness a crime and don’t attempt to prevent it will be prosecuted. This clearly illustrates that being a legislature in Michigan requires no common sense. I just hope my centurion grandmother doesn’t come across a crime while out for her daily walk.
+ And of course, I’m sure all of us are familiar with the proposal for the $100 fee to ride sans motorcycle helmet. Also, from the Department of Transportation we have the Great Turtle Wall along U.S. 31 at a cost of $318,000. One can almost hear President Reagan exhorting: ‘Governor Granholm ? tear down that wall!?
Evidently caring for turtles triggered sympathy for canines with the legislature, because we now have HB #5000 in the works which will allow dogs to dine with their owners in restaurants with outdoor seating. Yes, you read that correctly. For canine lovers it is inexcusable to leave Rasputin at home while its owner enjoys an epicurean delight at a favorite restaurant. Better to leave Grandma at home with a TV remote and a bag of Cheetos than to abandon man’s best friend.
Consider for a moment, if this bill is passed, a typical evening in your favorite restaurant. You are seated next to Kujo and his master. While you peruse the menu, Kujo is voraciously lapping up a bowl of Evian water, pausing momentarily to eye longingly a female French poodle that is enjoying a liver pate at the nearby table.
As your platter of chicken arrives, Kujo looks menacingly at legs and thighs ? not what’s on your platter but your legs and thighs! Evidently he is not a vegetarian, is hungry and only the watchful eye of his owner prevents you from becoming his appetizer!
Minutes later, as you attempt to make your way to the restroom, you feel like a soldier trying to avoid land mines, but these ‘special surprises? were painstakingly left by Kujo and his friends.
Let’s not stop at dogs though. Shouldn’t pony owners be accommodated also? One of my friends raises emus and I’m sure that would be an interesting dining experience to see these two-legged long necked birds wrestle food off adjoining tables.
And horror of horrors, imagine dining in a Chinese restaurant and having Rover answer a scatological calling in the restroom and having to meander through the kitchen and then not returning.
Waiter hold off on my beef kabobs!
If all of this sounds preposterous, it’s what has become of our once proud state. We now have an administration and a legislature that has lost all touch with reality. Each new day brings another chapter in the absurd.
When turtles, dogs, helmet-less motorcyclists, thirsty boaters and people suffering from the ‘green apple quick step? take precedence over some serious issues such as tax reform, which is hobbling our state, it’s time for all of us to watch sausage being made. Sausage can be smoked and cured. There appears to be no cure for inept, idea-charred bureaucrats!