Brandon Twp.- Alyce Wingett has been raising kids for 34 years.
She started raising her own children when she was a teen and now, at 50, she’s raising four grandchildren and two more grandchildren live with her.
‘I’ve been raising kids since I was 16 and will probably raise them forever,? says Wingett. ‘It’s a job and it’s tiresome and sometimes I think, ‘Why do I do this?? But I do it for the kids. I always tell myself, when I grow up, I’m living alone.?
According to a September 2005 American Association of Retired Persons fact sheet (http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/kinship_care_2005_mi.pdf), across the United States, more than six million children are being raised in households headed by grandparents and other relatives. Of those, two-and-a-half million children are in these households without any parents present.
In Michigan, there are 143,523 children living in grandparent-headed households (5.5 percent of all children in the state). Of the children living in households headed by grandparents or other relatives in Michigan, 71,200 are living there without either parent present.
Wingett has never really experienced an empty nest. When her eldest daughter was deployed with the Navy in the early 90s, Wingett took in her 3-month-old granddaughter, Maria. Wingett raised the child until she was 3-years-old when Maria’s mother, Regina, returned. However, the pair moved in with Wingett and her husband, James.
Wingett took time for herself and got a commercial driver’s license, after which she and her husband traveled across the United States for a few years as truck drivers.
‘It was fun traveling,? she says, adding that she and James bought a trailer to put on their property in Louisiana and let Regina live in the house. ‘It was quiet and nice being able to leave your house one way and come back and it’s the same.?
But in 1998, the traveling would end when James? 28-year-old daughter from a previous relationship decided she didn’t want to raise her three children anymore. The Wingetts stepped in and legally adopted granddaughter Monique, who was 7.
‘We knew with Monique it was something we had to do,? Alyce Wingett says. ‘We had practically raised her anyway, they lived with us quite a bit. Monique remembers the life she had with her mom, and she is happier here. She enjoys living here.?
In 2000, the Wingetts moved to Michigan and in 2001, three more grandchildren, Greg, now 14, Gaige, 11, and Alexis, 7, came to live with them.
‘We do it because we’re trying to look out for the kids,? says Wingett, who explains her daughter Tracie, the children’s mother, is divorced, has depression and splits time between Louisiana and Michigan. ‘They have more stability here and they like the schools better.?
Regina continues to live with Wingett and has had another daughter, Grace, 18 months, bringing to six the number of grandchildren in the house. Wingett has three other grandchildren who do not live with her, but she says they want to.
‘I enjoy having kids around,? she says. ‘I want my own space and my own time, but maybe I’m meant to raise kids all the time.?
Wingett says what has been most challenging raising kids the second time around is the homework.
‘They start everything so much earlier than when my kids were growing up,? she says.
Wingett asks the teachers for more help and calls her nephew for assistance.
Other challenges she faces includes feeding them all and keeping the house clean. She leans back in a rocking chair in her cozy living room, filled with framed photos of grandchildren. She notes another difference between raising her own children and raising her grandchildren- she is older, and she is tired.
‘My energy is getting a lot lower,? she says, yawning. ‘I have more patience now than when my kids were little. Because we’re tired, we let them get away with more. But we try to keep them on the right path.?
Mary Klein, 54, has temporary guardianship of three grandchildren- Brandon, 11; Bryan, 9, and Abby, 5. She and the children’s step-grandfather, Bob, 59, got the children in March 2004 when protective services were about to get involved and take the children from Klein’s son and daughter-in-law because of their prescription drug abuse.
Like Wingett, Klein says taking in her grandchildren was a ‘had to? situation. She didn’t have time to think about it.
‘They would have gone to foster care and that would have killed me,? she says. ‘You do what you have to do.?
According to a May 1999 U.S. Census Bureau study, the increase in grandchildren in ‘skipped generation? living arrangements has been attributed to growth in drug use among parents, teen pregnancy, divorce, rapid rise of single-parent households, mental and physical illness, AIDS, crime, child abuse and neglect and incarceration of parents (http://www.census.gov/prod/99pubs/p23-198.pdf).
Klein’s eldest son, 34, was incarcerated twice last year, has had six overdoses and is bi-polar. He stays with Klein and his three youngest children sporadically, splitting time with them and staying at friends? homes. He has another child, Jeremy, 17, who lives with his maternal grandmother.
Klein says her son is just getting his life back together, but she is responsible for his children.
When the kids came to live with them, the Kleins lived in Keego Harbor and Mary Klein had just returned to the workforce after more than a decade-long absence because of health problems. The year marked big changes for Klein. Because she took custody of her grandchildren, she and Bob moved from their 2-bedroom home to her son and former daughter-in-law’s house in Brandon Township (she took her son’s interest and pays her former daughter-in-law). Her mother died in July and in November Klein underwent bariatric surgery so she could keep up with her grandchildren. She has since lost 123 pounds.
‘I feel a lot better now,? she says. ‘My whole life was turned upside down in that year.?
Her biggest struggle has been dealing with the legal issues. The court has asked her to come up with an agreement with her ex-daughter-in-law regarding the children. Klein says their mother has not abided by the rules the court set, but the court gives the mother every chance to keep her children so they don’t have grounds for appeal. Abby and Brandon currently see their mother during the week, but Bryan, who Klein says has emotional problems, will not stay with his mother.
‘He doesn’t feel safe with her, he feels safe with me,? says Klein.
All three children have issues that are being dealt with in counseling and with medication. Bryan was born with a cleft lip and palate and will undergo surgery in April.
‘I’m doing everything I know of to help them become productive adults,? Klein says. ‘It seems like we’re on the go constantly.?
Klein sits on her living room sofa as Abby climbs in her lap.
‘It’s hectic to have kids again,? she says. ‘Bob never had kids, so it’s all new to him.?
She notes it is very hard financially to raise children and harder now than when she was raising kids the first time. She has less money now, but says she has gained patience and because she has lost weight, she also has more energy, even though she is constantly busy.
She misses the relationship she used to have with her grandchildren.
‘You’re supposed to be able to spoil your grandkids and send them home, but now they live with me and I can’t be the kind of grandma I was,? says Klein, who also has a 2-year-old grandson, Cole, who lives with her younger son and daughter-in-law. ‘But there’s a lot of good things. You get all this love.?
Klein says in the beginning she was angry with her daughter-in-law. Wingett can relate, as she is still angry with her daughter.
‘She didn’t learn to be a parent,? Wingett says. ‘I love her to death, but I wish she would take care of her kids or be with them more.?
Wingett says her husband tells her that when granddaughter Monique graduates from high school, everyone is going to have to start taking care of their own kids, because he plans to sell everything, buy a fifth wheel and travel after they retire (both currently work for an apartment complex).
‘I’m looking forward to the day when it’s just me and my husband and not a house full of people,? Wingett says. ‘Someday that’ll happen. I just like to make sure they’re taken care of. I need to open the nest and let them fly.?
Klein believes eventually all three of her eldest son’s children will live with her full-time.
‘I wish my daughter-in-law could get it together enough to let me be a regular grandma and move to Florida like I always wanted,? Klein says. ‘But it’s what I have to do and I’ll do it until I don’t have to do it anymore. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be this way, but they’re beautiful, funny kids… They are the light of my life.?