You got it!
I’m going to start this column with comments about ma’dog, Shayna. About an equal number of Jottings readers say, either, “Not another column about your dog?” and, “Keep writing about your dog.”
Thus the early warning.
But, first: Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him.
What goes “Marc! Marc!”? A dog with a harelip.
Now, then. I found that Shayna likes tuna fish salad. And, it doesn’t matter where I buy it. And, she can be sleeping out in the yard and either hear me in the kitchen snap-open a box or smell it.
There will be a scratch on the door, then a trot to the site, a sit and an extreme longing look in her anxious eyes.
I don’t want her dropping any, so I fork some out of the dish, put it in her mouth, then draw the fork up and out, leaving her working the tuna off the roof of her mouth, while still appealing for more.
After all his anal checking, Dr. Steep has found no difference between tuna salad, the Alpo or Pedigree diets. And, Shayna likes tuna a whole lot more.
However, just in case tuna isn’t a healthy dog food, I limit Shayna’s forkfuls to three . . . a day.
Dog related comment: Product pusher Dr. Frank has a spray that stops the pain in dogs. For $19.95 you can get 400 doses. Spray the stuff in the dog’s dish, your dog licks it and the pain is gone. Dr. Frank, make one for humans. I’m willing to lick a dish if it eliminates my pains.
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I didn’t realize — until being bombarded recently by so many ads — that I “deserve” so many things. Lawyers say I should get the settlements I deserve.
Insurance company Cinergy says I deserve health insurance. I deserve to be informed of what others don’t want me to know.
Oh, yeah, just call with your credit card handy.
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? A political race can be compared to a horse race, the only difference being that in a horse race, the entire horse runs.
? ‘Live in such a way you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip,? -Will Rogers.
? I wonder if President Obama was swayed by E. J. Smith’s comment. This Smith was captain of the Titanic. He said, “I cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that.”
? Attention Pentagon! The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
? Ads are becoming more prevalent for a moist wipe. The slogan is, “Be kind to your behind.” It really is.
? Sportscasters seem to love using the word, athleticism. I think it’s the longest word they know, so they use it a lot to prove they are smart.
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How about some comments from Rodney I-get-no-respect Dangerfield.
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!
I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?? He said, ‘Because you came home early.?