Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! Unlike other holidays, there is no pretentiousness. One just arrives at the host home dressed in an everyday wardrobe and not encumbered with loads of presents.

Now, that is not to say that as a guest you can’t bring a tasty food dish, a large container of cashews, or a bottle of wine for the host or perhaps don your favorite gaudy holiday sweater. Keep in mind that it is a day to enjoy the “Three F’s”: family – food – football. What could be better than that?

However, in order to make it a joyous day there are certain rules of etiquette that should be adhered to:

10. If you are unexpectedly assigned to the children’s table, try to make small talk about Shawn Mendes and Taylor Swift but not Pat Boone or Snooky Lanson.

9. Don’t bring a surprise guest unless it is George Clooney or Heidi Klum. And leave Fido at home. No one appreciates an old dog with incontinent problems at a party.

8. If Aunt Bertha brings her famous ambrosia salad (ugh) pretend you waited all year to dive into this delight even though you conclude it tastes like spackling compound.

7. Celebrating Thanksgiving at Mom’s home is always a nostalgic treat but if your fifty-seven-year-old brother still resides at home with Mom don’t ask why he still lives in the basement and dresses as a trekkie Klingon.

6. Attempting to sell your stash of Peeps snowmen to the guests is considered gauche. Better to have brought your collection of beanie babies.

5. When Uncle Ed arrives a bit buzzed don’t let him fall asleep on the bed with the coats.

4. There are only two drumsticks on a turkey so when both have been taken when the platter arrives at your seat do a Cousin Eddie from the movie “Christmas Vacation” and choose the neck.

3. Discussing surgical operations is not appropriate especially Uncle Charlie’s bladder sling operation.

2. During the football game don’t over cheer for your favorite team unless it is the Detroit Lions – they seldom win on Thanksgiving and need the support.

1. Commenting on the host’s choice of background music will not endear you especially if you criticize the playing of “Dominick the Italian Donkey Christmas Song.”

Above all – have a wonderful time!

Bill Kalmar

Orion Twp.