This week’s topics: Midriffs & obesity lawsuits

It was only a matter of time until some advertising genius convinced a product maker that midriffs could double as billboards.
Perhaps I’ve missed it, but I don’t recall any previous use of this skinned area besides Rowan and Martin’s television show ‘Laugh-In? when I think they used that section of Goldie Hawn in comedy skits.
It takes a comedy or advertising writer to come up with the idea that the skin surrounding a belly button is an attention compeller that will bring a laugh or a sale.
Alas, there was the prime time ‘exposure? for a product called, ‘Zelnorm.?
I have no idea what it is, does or is for. I know I thought the message-carrying hide was not on a svelte person, but I reasoned the message was too long for a size 3.
The message was also too long for just the front side (space?). She had to turn around to show all the writing. Yes, enough was shown that I know it was a she. Men models would have to show abs. There were no abs.
While she was turning I also wondered about midriffs. Are midriffs only fronts? What is a riff? Is there a backriff?
Webster says, no. He also says a riff is a belly. That answers those questions. However, doesn’t an exposed back need a name of its own?
What can we call that space below the shoulder blades, above and on the opposite side of cleavage? Mid-spine? Hallowed area? Riffless?
Webster also points out only women have midriffs. That’s discriminatory if ever I heard of it.
Further, Webster says: ‘Midriff: Between two extremes.?
I’m not going any further.
* * *
I know all of you who are not in outer space, which is 90 percent of you, are all too aware of the enormous push to eliminate the overweight. Again, that’s 90 percent of you.
Fast food outlets, servers of giant-size servings, makers of chocolate, desserts and pigs are being targeted by lawsuiters. Threat of a lawsuit will make anyone tighten their belt and leave the butter off their popcorn.
But, if a lawsuit is what it takes to get America thin, then I’m going with the suiters. The way I figure it all manufacturers, growers, suers, marketers and promoters of all these things are guilty of forcing growth upon us. So, let’s sue.
Automobiles are much too comfortable. A comfort has to be decreased or eliminated if we are going to be able to get our arms around this situation.
Bulk food stores have to be taught a lesson. They can put the bulk of their money in defense of their decision to sell giant sizes of candy boxes, quantity packaged sausages and producing, huge-portioned desserts, all of which add to our ‘bulk.?
We will include all the ‘dollar? stores in our class action lawsuit, too. What they’re doing to our waistlines, with their lower prices, by appealing to our weakness is fattening.
All carriers of groceries who put prices on their foodstuffs that are aimed to make us buy, therefore eat, will be named in our suit.
So, too, will all the media that carry advertisements for these obesity promoting stores. They are not without responsibility in our country’s anti-fat campaign.
Whoops!
Forget the suit. This media is part of the aforementioned media.

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