January 7, 2004 The Detroit News printed golf etiquette tips that ‘demonstrate respect for playing partners and the game.?
It should have been run with the comics, not on a sports page. In season, I play golf four days a week. To pick up an occasional win one has to sneeze, scratch or wave to a tree during an opponent’s backswing. And, of course, being friends, they return the distraction
Here’s a News etiquette tip when on the tee: Don’t make noise.
Oh, the noises I’ve heard, and made, on a tee would make a mule sick, drown out 10-car crash and waken Rip Van Winkle.
On the fairway tip: ‘If you are walking ahead and to the side of someone hitting, stay out of his or her vision — and out of danger — and watch every move he or she makes.?
You can bet your mother’s jewelry we’ll be watching every move he or she makes. ‘Trust? is not one of the golf course’s commandments. Balls hit far into the woods, past out of bounds stakes and into lakes have been known to be found in mid-fairway.
On the green: ‘Closest to the hole tends the flag.? And, ‘First to finish the hole is responsible for replacing the flag.? The person closest to the hole often regards the flag as a rag on a stick and is so busy marking his ball closer to the hole he forgets to get the flag.
When a person finishes a hole has no bearing on replacing the flag. To many the flag is too heavy. Many have bad backs and, while they can bend quickly and pick up their ball when someone says, ‘That’s a gimme,? they can’t bend for the flag. Too, many who finish first have to get back to the cart to change scores on previous holes because they just remembered they miscounted.
Etiquette for pace of play: ‘Check in at least 15 minutes early.? Thirty minutes if the bar is open, then show up five minutes late for your tee time, saying, ‘When nature calls you have to answer.?
‘Keep up with the players in your group and the group ahead of you.? In this one league we tend to avoid the players in our group, especially when they habitually hit into the group ahead of us. We expect threatening words on the golf course, but we certainly don’t want physical confrontation.
I love this last etiquette offering: Common sense. First of all, who in our foursome has any?
One of my regular partners is John Patrell, of whom I heard, ‘Did I ever tell you about the last time I missed a putt like this?? nine times a round, 18 rounds a year for nine years. The only sense he’s got is smell.
‘If you pick up another ball, be sure it doesn’t belong to anyone who might still be looking for it.? It is only common sense to make sure it has stopped rolling, that it is in reasonably good shape and not a range ball and that it is your opponents. Oh, yeah, do it stealthily.
The News? article did not include in its listings etiquette for cart driving. Perhaps it’s because there wasn’t room in the ‘common sense? category, or perhaps the writers think golfers walk. They don’t!
Cart drivers never go up and down a hill, always around it with the passenger on the tip-over side. No ball is allowed to be let un-run-over in the fairway by any sane cart driver.
It’s important to speed down hills, drive so sprinklers and low branches hit only the passenger and park so the passenger has to walk around the cart to get to his ball.
Cart drivers can also take a driving lesson from our daughter Luan, my Friday night partner, who, upon seeing that I was walking in front of the cart looking for my ball in the creek ran into me, knocking me to the ground. She then laughed uncontrollably.