Eating habits, etc. of ma’dog, Shayna

I’ve enjoyed a few routines of comedian Jeff Foxworthy, but it takes only a few of his closings, ‘You might be a Redneck if,? to turn me off. Knowing this, some inebriated, low-life friends sent me a Redneck, tear-off calendar with a remark on each page. It wasn’t until September 6 that I found one I could relate to.
‘You might be a Redneck if the first thing you say when you come out of a coma is, ‘How’s my dog???
The way I eat, some of everything falls on the floor. That’s how I found Shayna liked sweet corn. When I cook sweet corn, I cook a half dozen ears at a time, eat 2 or 3 and cut the kernels off the others for later.
Well, one set of 12 wasn’t great, so I fed some saved kernels to ma’dog. But, I did it with the warning, ‘Remember, dog, you can’t digest sweet corn. Eat it if you want, but remember what I said.?
She ate all I gave her. The next day, to prove my warning was right, I took her outside and let her see for herself the kernels were still intact.
I also learned from my food dropping ways that Shayna loves crab meat, zucchini and macaroni and cheese. Fried zucchini might be her favorite, but the way she chomps it’s hard to pick a best.
I thought one way to test her likings was to count the number of chomps she took before swallowing. My thinking was the more she liked something the longer she would chew.
Like most of my thoughts, this conclusion was wrong. She chews everything like it’s a race to her stomach. Three chews for a small piece of wiener, 16 chews for a piece of cheap rump roast. She averages eight chomps per choice, depending to some extent on whether she catches it in the air or picks it up off the floor.
Savor she doesn’t.
I’m not a person who chooses the heel of a loaf of bread as first choice. It just doesn’t feel right to put the bacon or tomato between the heel and next toasted slice.
Being a Depression reared boy I have to find a use for the heel, so I put raspberry jam on it and feed it to Shayna. The first time I did it the jam side was up. She twisted her head every way to get the jam to tongue-side.
Now I give her the jam side down, though some of it stays on my fingers for later licking.
I read an article recently that made real dog owners, like me, sick. What kind of person would subject their dog to acupuncture therapy and organic food? If I don’t do it or eat it, neither should ma’dog.
Last year, pet owners in the USA spent $34.4 billion caring for pets, that’s double the amount spent a decade earlier.
There’s a bakery in Occoquan, VA that sells clothing and boots for dogs along with Barkday and Bark Mitzvah cakes for special dog occasions. It also carries Pupparoni and PNut-Butter Pudy-Tats for pet meals. This stuff must be for Poodles.
I don’t think I’ll be going to Occoquan, Va very soon. Talk about catering to the animal spoiling rich!
Shayna is still wondering why dog bones are shaped like bones, yet we’re told to not give dogs bones. I wondered too, so I now give Shayna everything but chicken bones. We never lost a dog to bone-eating on any of the farms we lived on and we had lots of dogs.
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Looting after storms and riots is well known. Practicing thieves, the overly hungry and the curious participate in this stealing. We condemn them, encourage heavy penalties and become overwrought with anger at these actions.
BUT, are the actions of these people really any different than the pork barreling practiced by our representatives in Washington, DC?
Seems like every appropriations bill has money designated for roads to nowhere, bridges over nothing but earth and airport runways with no planes. All passed by those seeking reelection, which is every one of them.
And, there isn’t any stopping it.

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