I like to start a Jottings with pointing out, as they do on the tube, ‘This is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.?
This has to be true, our daughter told it to me.
These two lady friends went shopping a Kroger store. One is a diabetic and wears a pump to use when she feels the need. While the friend shopped elsewhere, the ailing one collapsed. Medics were called and were working on the lady when the friend appeared and told the aides of the pump.
The greatly relieved medics started pumping. In time the lady showed signs of recovery.
The medics started asking her questions. ‘Do you know where your are?? No. ‘Do you know what day this is?? No. ‘Do you know who the president is?? The lady mumbled, ‘Bush.?
A medic said, ‘Let me help you. Barrack.?
Immediately the lady was wide awake and stating quite loud and excitedly, ‘Obama! I hate that man!?
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Helen, of Oxford, not of Troy, wonders if she got this right:
If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 years hard labor.
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you are detained indefinitely.
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you may never be heard from again.
If you cross the U. S. border illegally, you get:
A job.
A driver’s license.
Social Security card.
Welfare.
Food stamps
Credit cards
Subsidized rent or a loan to buy a home.
Free education.
Free health care.
A lobbyist in Washington.
Billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language.
And the right to carry your country’s flag while you protest that you don’t get enough respect.
I just wanted to make sure I had a firm grasp of the situation. — Helen.
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? How did so many of us live to be past 50 without purified and/or bottled water?
? I take ma’dog Shayna most of the time when I drive somewhere. Whenever I see a dog up ahead, coming or going, I say, ‘Look, Shayna. There’s a dog!? Almost always Shayna will wait until we’re past the dog before she turns and looks for a long time at the other dog. What I’m telling you is, dog’s eyes aren’t as interesting to another dog, as its other presentation.
? Hm-m-m. I found a note on my front door recently from a Peeping Tom. It read, ‘Please close your blinds.?
? Are you like me in that you have a dust collecting exercise bike in your basement, and park your car as close to the store’s front door as possible? Exercise is overplayed, and a communist ploy.
? A commercial states: ‘You’ll feel better knowing your water is being heated in an environmental way.? What stimulus package paid for that nonsense?
? I love to end columns with sick jokes: A happy, drink-buying guy at a bar is like a mushroom, because he’s a fungi.