I realize this may upset our children, grandchildren or others who thought they were giving me the world’s greatest Christmas gift, but daughter Susan really did give me the world’s greatest gift.
It’s a membership in the Bacon of the Month Club. Imagine knowing each month, for 12 months, you’re assured of getting a package of bacon. It’s like ‘died and gone to heaven? and still living high on the hog.
No offense, porky.
This present has seven gifts besides the dozen pre-mentioned. I’ve got a membership card, certificate, a pig ballpoint pen, a little rubber toy pig and a bacon tee-shirt. I’ll also receive tasting notes, a monthly recipe and a comic strip, exclusive to members.
Susan got this from The Grateful Palate, Oxnard, CA, whose motto is ‘A life-style for your tongue.?
You’ve really got to see my pig ballpoint pen. The top is a semisoft pig that when you push on its tail, its eyes bug out. And, AND, when you push down while writing the whole pig lights up. The best thing about the bugging eyes is they feel slimy, which should deter our little grandchildren from thinking it is their toy.
It ain’t! It’s mine!
Melissa Clark, of The Grateful Palate, writes, ‘Elvis’s favorite sandwich was peanut butter and banana . . . fried in bacon grease. The King was onto something. Bacon makes just about anything taste better. And that was years before the current low-carb diet trend that urges us to embrace those crispy, salty slices of deliciousness.
‘Despite such dispensation, you may have lingering guilt about eating something that gets at least half its calories from fat. Today, however, the supermarket offers healthier alternatives that let you love bacon tender – and slender.?
The Grateful Palate also rates a Winner and a Runner-up in bacon selection. The first star goes to Boar’s Head Sliced Bacon, $3 a pound. Second is Oscar Mayer Bacon, $5 a pound. Those must be California prices.
Boar’s Head, they say, is everything bacon should be: smoky but not overwhelming, with a complex pork flavor and the right amount of salt. It also has the ideal fat-to-meat ratio, so it cooks up evenly and, if you like, potato-chip crispy.
I get the idea in reading their literature, The Grateful Palate doesn’t care whether we eat pork bacon, veggie bacon, turkey bacon or organic bacon.
I’m going to get a package of each in 2004, and I’m going to start in January with Oscar Mayer Ready to Serve Bacon, ’cause that’s what Susan, my favorite child, gave me.
Also in this initial offering is The Grateful Palate’s bacon cooking tip, which I’d already been offered by Dorthea Foley and others: ‘An easy, splatter-free way to cook bacon evenly is to bake rather than fry it. Line a baking pan with foil and lay down the strips. Bake at 400 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Add five minutes for thick sliced bacon. There’s no need to turn the slices.?
I’ve never tried the baking-bacon method. I figured it would leave grease on the coils and I’d have to stand on my head for hours cleaning up the mess. It’s much easier to wipe the splatter off the top of the range . . . a task that can be performed while eating what you cook, though I usually eat my toasted bacon-tomato sandwiches over the sink, not having time to walk the eight steps to the table.