Dang, I hate writing in advance of deadline. I had a column lined up to coincide with the Winter Solstice (Wednesday, Dec. 21, 2016 at 5:44 a.m.), and the days getting longer; I took a picture of the first mailed seed catalog in a snow pile; I was gonna’ be all “Cheer up, Buckaroo! Things are getting better,” for my last column of the year.

Alas, the temperatures warmed up and melted the snow and my dreams of having a column done before deadline, instead of just under deadline. C’est la vie, aye?
Even though my parents made me take tap dancing lessons instead of joining the scouts like all the other cool lads, I do have Boy Scout tendencies. One is I try always to be prepared and being prepared in my scouting manual means rolling with the punches and coming up with “Plan B.”
In this instance, the Second Best Idea is to go back through the Year of Our Lord, Two Thousand and Sixteen, and see what were the most awesomest topics discussed here in the hallowed halls of Don’tRushMedom.
Drum roll, please, here is Plan B . . .

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My first column of this year is a good way to start the last. In January, your hero (that would be me) delved into his “word of the year.” Wrote yours truly, “My guiding word for 2016, that which will light the path before me, is valor. Wow. Now, that is a word for you! If you are not much of a wordy and more of a texty, here is a definition of my word, valor: great courage in the face of danger, especially in battle.”
And boy, did that word come in handy! I needed to be tough and strong this year with all the crap that was thrown in my general direction.

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And speaking of crap, an innocuous comment at the end of one column helped me pen a column for a number of weeks.
In one column, I introduced readers to an up and coming local who not only writes, but illustrates her own childrens’ books. (The writer is Jamie Ruthenberg, her books are about Miles the rabbit and, by-the-way, she now has stuffed Mileses to market). Anyway, I ended that week’s gem of a Don’t Rush Me thusly:

“ . . . maybe then I can figure out why I couldn’t publish my kids book, The Christmas Poop. With lines like, “Jesus pooped, you can, too,” I don’t understand why the idea didn’t explode onto the publishing world. Hmm? Maybe I need to find the right illustrator?” . . . and went on with my life of valor like every other week.
Little did I know what was brewing under the calmish waters of community newspaper readership. A few weeks later, found on my desk was a delivered petition — oh heck, just for fun, here’s what it said:
“We the Christians of Lake Orion and surrounding communities after reading the column by Don Rush where he mentioned he wanted to write a children’s books on Jesus and his poo_ and entitled, Christmas Poo_, written in the Lake Orion Review during Holy Week valagar (sic) and offensive to God and our Christian faith!
“We ask that Mr. Rush acknowledge his sin against God’s name and make a public apology in his newspaper in Lake Orion and surrounding communities.
“Sincerely in Christ our Lord and Savior, who we honor and praise and do not take his name in vain as God has commanded!”
And it was signed by 12 people.
I do not think I apologized outright, nor did I ask forgiveness of any worldly person. I did end the column that week like this: “Bottom line, there many more atrocities in this world we live in to be offended by than the 36 words written by a small man, with a smaller column. In the mean time, lighten up. Laugh, love and live. Jesus did, you can, too!”
And, since we are on the topic of laughing, let’s talk about the November 2016 Presidential Election. Right up until the actual voting, tons of folks were making fun of that “other” Donald guy. Now those who thought Hillary Clinton was a shoe-in are crying, complaining and whining nonstop.
To all of you who mocked, “Let’s make America great again,” I gave you your alternative . . . a dude who wanted not only to make America great again, but cool, too. I gave you Zoltan Istvan.

Here’s what I wrote in October: “Not knowing much about this guy with the Russian sounding name, I looked him up on the internet. What do you know! He looked like a regular, all-American honkey/cracker. Just another almost middle-aged white dude. Like me (a few years ago), except he’s a successful journalist, author and “founder and US Presidential candidate of the Transhumanist Party.” A safe bet to vote for in my book.”
Basically, being great isn’t enough for Zoltan, he wants to make Americans immortal.

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Some of my fav headlines of the year:

The LGBTQ crowd needs more letters.
A bust on Naked Gardening Day.
Snowing, mowing & transgender restrooms.
Freedom loving Americans whine.
Oh, Pikachu, say it ain’t so.
Feel the ‘Power’ of the press, and
bow before me peasants.
Newspaper diversity & The Womb Googler.

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So there you go, Don’s 2016 column life in a nutshell. Riveting, I know. If you want better topics, please send them to, Don’tRushDon@gmail.com Here’s wishing you all better reading in 2017!

  don rush, don’t rush me, LGBTQ, Zoltan Istvan