So, riddle me this Batman: How does three inches of rain in two days relate to the royal wedding?
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I guess you can call me a man’s man, only in that I had no compulsion to wear a funny hat; no desire to wave the Union Jack and no, inkling ? not one, single thought — of watching any part of the marriage between England’s Prince William to his then bride-to-be Kate Middleton. It’s not that I harbor any ill well to the couple, I just don’t care. I am an American, one of the common-folk. I am a working mongrel trying to make ends meet. Watching the pomp and circumstance of another country does not interest me as much as the price of gasoline.
Last Thursday morning I woke up and looked out my bedroom window. It was a little before 6 and I noticed it had rained (again). ‘Dang,? I thought. ‘I’ll be glad when May gets here to be done with April showers.?
I went to the basement to get a clean pair of pants from the laundry room and noticed about an inch of water on the floor. ‘Double dang,? I thought.
I went to work, made the coffee, hosted the first Coffee Club Expo that night and finally got home at about 8:45. I went to the basement and ? tada! ? the inch of water had risen to just over two inches.
‘Sweet,? I thought (or something like that with colorful metaphors added) as I headed down the stairs into the money pit’s nether regions. Always thinking ahead, that morning before I left for work, I placed my tall rubber boots at the bottom of the stairs so ? if needed ? I could just put my feet into them without getting said feet wet. Well, one of the boots was on its side (I blame the cats), filled with water.
So, much with proper planning.
In a white tee-shirt, stylish boxers (you can thank me later for the visual), with a wet foot and a dry foot I headed to the center of the basement that was first dug out in 1916. I found the drain and began plunging with gusto. Water moved out in concentric circles across the pond in my basement. It splashed up around and on me . . . running down my legs, into aforementioned rubber boots. I was trying to move that water out of the house via the drain. Forty-five minutes later I achieved nothing more than a nice blister on my right palm and soggy socks.
I think I said, ‘Ow!? (Or something like that with colorful metaphors added). I went up stairs bathed, hopped into bed and read some of the book, Soul of a Woman, Soul of the Land, and tried to fall asleep.
And, sleep didn’t come.
I jumped out of the bed, walked to the living room and plopped on the couch to see if a change in environments would bring the Sandman. Sleep was light; I drifted in and out. Worry about the basement was trumping tiredness, and by 3:39 a.m. I had had enough. I turned on the TV, because nothing brings sleep faster than crappy programming. Always a cheap (fill in your own noun), I have free TV ? no cable, no satellite, no internet, nuttin? honey. Limited to ABC, CBS, NBC and about 20 god-stations, I turned on CBS. There was Katie Couric live in London, talking about the number of bathrooms in Buckingham Palace. I switched to NBC, yep, live from London. With resignation, I keyed in ABC. Dangblabit! Diane Sawyer and Babs Walters were talking about the smackinfrackin royal wedding. But, I needed the sleep so I turned off the screen and let ABC’s coverage of the royal wedding lull-me to sleep audio-ly.
For a guy who wanted nothing to do with the Royal Wedding, it is now a part of my subconscious. I slept for four hours with nonstop coverage, facts, opinion and commentary of everything English, royal and weddings pouring into my ears, my brain. It’s now a part of me ? forever. I blame God for making it rain so much ? three inches of rain in two days, equals 2.5 inches of water in Don’s basement.
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How does three inches of rain in two days relate to the royal wedding? The short answer, Riddler, is: Only in my head.
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Last week I said I’d let you know about some local authors. I lied. I will do it next week. One of them, B.David Warner of Independence Township, is on Don’t Rush Me ? The Showowowow! Right now. Go to www.clarkstontv.com and click on my face for the interview. He has a book signing gig at the Border’s bookstore at Great Lakes Crossing this Saturday.