Guys.
Just like roses, guys by any other name, are still just guys. Black, white, pink or yellow; short, tall, fat or skinny, at any point in the history of mankind — excuse me, in the history of guykind — we guys are the same.
I came to this conclusion, this certainty of life, after I read an Associated Press report on MSNBC.com. The following headline caught my eye, and the gears in my cobwebbed mind started to churn — albeit rather slowly.
Police halt annual ‘No Pants Subway Ride.?
No pants subway ride? Well, I never . . . did that.
Obviously this wasn’t a local story, except for the afore mentioned conclusion (connection, if you will) about guys. That story was in New York — but guys from Clarkston, Oxford, Orion, Ortonville, Goodrich and New York are all on the same page, genderly speaking. (I am quite sure you won’t find ‘genderly? in any dictionary of good standing, so don’t waste your time looking for it. Just go with it.)
As there are no local subways, I can honestly say I never rode in one without pants. However, I do seem to remember a certain annual party my college roommates (okay, and me too) hosted during our formidable years at good ol? Central Michigan University. I guess there was a reason why CMU was a ‘ranked? school in the pages of Playboy and it wasn’t because the Chips tore things up on the gridiron. I think the student body just tended to tear things up — lawns, sidewalks, etc.
If memory serves me correctly our annual ‘Oops I Forgot My Pants? parties were quite popular. More on that later. Let’s get back to the subway gig.
According to MSNBC, ‘Eight pranksters who dropped their pants and showed their underwear on the subway on Sunday were taken into custody and issued summonses for disorderly conduct. All were ultimately released, said Improv Everywhere, the group that organized the stunt.
‘The group said more than 160 riders participated in the fifth annual No Pants Subway Ride before police halted their No. 6 train about 5 p.m.
‘Charlie Todd, who founded Improv Everywhere in 2001, said it’s not his group’s intent to offend. He said he wants to create scenes of chaos and joy in public places around New York . . .?
Our motivations up there in Mt. Pleasant weren’t as noble as our brethren’s in New York. We just wanted to see as many coed gals in various forms of undress as we could, and as it was winter this was the quickest, easiest means to that end. There might be something noble in that endeavor, but I rather doubt it.
The lads in New York were moved by a higher, more virtuistic calling (don’t bother looking up ‘virtuistic? either. I’m pretty sure it ain’t a word).
‘It was our intent to make people laugh. We try to give people a great story to tell,? Todd told reporters.
Well, how nice of them to be thinking about other people. I’m not saying I am not buying Todd’s line about just trying to ‘make people laugh,? but I know guys. Guys never do anything for purely selfless reasons.
If I really think hard, I seem to recall our pantless operations were fairly formal affairs. Dress shirts, ties, dark socks and polished shoes were required. Just no pants or, for the gals, no skirts. (Note to Dads: Relax, most of the girls wore those white, fluffy, ruffly, sometimes silky things that normally go under skirts. We saw more skin on the beaches than we did at our pantless shindigs.)
As I think back, it’s interesting to note (but not all together germane and/or important to the story) that us guys covered our guyhood with boxer shorts. No guy showed up in his tighty-whitey briefs. And, in case you’re wondering, no other colored briefs containing guys attended our soir’es.
Hmmm? Just thinking . . .
If I am not mistaken, somewhere, somebody probably has photos stashed away from those thrilling days of yesteryear just waiting to be published. Yikes. I guess, as a guy, I won’t try running for public office anytime soon.
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