Yeah, I know, I know — I have been quiet for quite a while. This, of course, doesn’t mean I have permanently put away my reporter’s fedora. On the contrary, my Friends of Conspiracy (FOC), I have been alert, watching and waiting.
I have laid low, waiting for something to cross my path before launching into another irrational tirade. That thing popped up last week whilst I was perusing one of our four local newspapers. As if guided by Providence, my eyes beheld, and I read, a Public Notice. A Public Notice, for you civics novices, is one of those things local governments are ‘sposed to post in local newspapers to keep local residents abreast of local government actions. These are the same things the Clarkston School District doesn’t post with us, the local newspaper of record (and if you want to know why, call the administration) so the notice I shall opine about is not theirs.
Nope, one of the nine townships we circulate in (and you know who you are) is proposing a new ordinance ‘to prohibit Domestic Violence is necessary for the health, safety and welfare of the citizens of the Township and that it is appropriate to provide a separate ordinance dealing with conduct arising out of actions between persons who are not strangers to each other and have or previously had a defined domestic relationship; and that there should be penalties for the violation thereof, and to repeal all ordinances or parts of ordinances in conflict herewith, blah, blah, blah . . .?
I don’t want the following to lead readers to think I’m pro-domestic violence. No way, Jose. As I read the above first reading, I thought it odd a township would spend taxpayer dollars to pay an attorney to draft said ordinance, pay us to post it, when domestically perpetrating violence on a significant other is already against the law in this, the Great Mitten State.
According to the local law enforcement types I have talked to, already without said ordinance, in domestic violence calls somebody (the aggressor) is going to jail. So why all the hubbub and expenditures at the local level for redundancy? The reporter-type in me was curious, something was not right. I read on . . . and sure enough I was about to connect the dots, find a reason, unearth the conspiracy, if you will. The locals want the ability to collect $500 from domestic violence cases.
Cha-ching!
One of my teachers at Clarkston High School always said, ‘follow the money.? I reckon he’s right. This ordinance has nothing to do with protecting folks, it has all to do with filling in funding shortages.
I did some snooping and found in 2007, Oakland County deputies responded to domestic violence calls .0064211 percent of the time in the township of record. Yep, the township is writing law based on 34 calls out of 5,295 total calls. While it’s only a relatively small number of calls, it is still a good cash cow. Those 34 calls could bring in $17,000 of ‘new? revenue.
So let it be written, so let it be done!
What’s next? What other crimes already on the state books, can local townships pile on to help pay for the rising costs of doing business (excuse me, managing government)? An ethnic intimidation ordinance surely is worth $500 a slur; murder, rape a grand each, easily. Can you say ‘slide the slippery slope? three times, really fast?
Am I the only one who has a problem with turning a quick buck on other folks? misery; or is this the new, out-of-the-box-thinking trend government will use for additional funding, whilst proclaiming ‘no new taxes.?
A quick call to the Michigan Township Association (MTA to those in the loop) and I discovered of the 1,242 townships here in the Great Unemployment State, ‘you can count on one hand the townships that have or are thinking about? such a revenue increasing — excuse me — ‘necessary? ordinance. This leads me to the conclusion our local township is either way ahead of the curve or way off base. Either way it don’t bode well for us in the Great Barely Scraping By State.
I’m not going to single out the township in the process of enacting this money-grab law, but I do have a few parting thoughts (some would say, ‘shots?).
1. Readers: READ public notices, get involved and don’t just complain.
2. Local officials: You are hereby on-notice and are so warned: Considering such ordinances will force me to ‘out? you.
Comments for the charter member of the FOC can e-mail dontrushmedon@charter.net