If you’re like me, and I hope you’re not when it comes to shopping for some things like ointment, you don’t read the fine print.
Like too many men, I know ointment is ointment. I know Vaseline, Bag Balm, Suave, etc. They all do the same thing. I know that for a fact.
And, all ointment containers are small and the print is itty bitty. You know, the kind of print you need trifocals to read.
So, I had an itch that needed scratching. But the more I scratched, the more it itched. Give me some ointment, please, and now! Looking over the store’s ointment shelf, ‘Aloe Vesta? seemed like an anti-itch name.
Half a tube later the itch hadn’t subsided. Time to read the label with my trifocals: ‘Apply as needed for diaper rash.?
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According to Neal Rubin, Detroit News columnist, and WXYZ’s Bill Proctor (is that evasive enough?), Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s problem stems from ‘hormones and arrogance.?
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Are we becoming so lazy that we need a power operated charcoal grill brush? They’re pushing them on the tube. Of course, they are also pushing products for ‘best qualified? customers. Are they really saying ‘richest?? I never see men’s neckties advertised on tv. If they did, the neckties would have to be 18 feet long to have them stop above the current belt-line.
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I’m at an age when I find myself humming a song recorded by Robert Goulet and Jimmy Durante, others, too, I suppose: ‘Beautiful girls, walk a little slower when you walk by me, lingering sunsets stay a little longer with the lonely sea. Wandering rainbows leave a bit of color for my pal to see. Stars in the sky make my wish come true before the night has flown, and let the music play as long as there’s a song to sing, and I will stay younger than spring.? Actually, I didn’t wait for this older age to hope beautiful girls would walk slower by me.
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Today’s another great day. I used the last one in a box of store-brand garbage bags. Every time I used one, I recalled the interview with a woman who had won millions in a lottery. When asked what she was going to do first she said, ‘First I’m going to pay off our mortgage, then I’m never going to buy store-brand garbage bags again.?
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‘Since I came to the White House I got two hearing aids, a colon operation, skin cancer, prostate operation, and I was shot. The damn thing is I never felt better in my life,? Ronald Reagan.
You threw away the outside and cooked the inside. Then you ate the outside and threw away the inside.
What did you eat? An ear of corn.
From my bathroom reading book: ‘If hypocrisy were gold, the Capitol would be Fort Knox,? John McCain.
‘If God wanted us to vote he would have given us candidates,? Jay Leno.
‘Look, half the time when I see the evening news I wouldn’t be for me either,? Bill Clinton.
‘An arrogant insect is a cocky roach,? John Patrell.