Groveland Twp.-Most parents have a story to tell about their child’s arrival.
But township residents Mike and Carol Verville have three unique stories of how their children joined the family. All three are adopted? one daughter through private adoption, one daughter from China and a son adopted in November after the Vervilles were his foster parents.
‘You could never have told us our lives would turn out this way,? said Carol, 40, who met Mike, 41, when they were in the seventh grade. They were best friends through high school and have been married now for 18 years.
Four years into their marriage Carol was working as a labor and delivery nurse and also counseling teens at a crisis pregnancy center. Mike also volunteered at the center and their work there made them very aware of the need for adoptive homes. Carol said they knew someday they wanted to adopt.
That ‘someday? was October 1990 when a family member called and asked if they would like to adopt a baby from someone the family knew.
They agreed.
‘It was like an unplanned pregnancy that was six weeks long,? said Carol.
At that time the state of Michigan didn’t make allowances for private adoption. The Vervilles had to work with an adoption agency and become licensed foster parents? giving medical histories, taking physicals, having a home study done and getting criminal background clearance.
Their daughter Rachel was born Dec. 18, 1990 and Carol and Mike were in the room five minutes after she entered the world.
‘The birth mom handed her to me and it felt so natural, like that’s how all births are meant to be,? said Carol. ‘It was indescribable. The most exciting thing we’d ever experienced. It was so right.?
But the background check still wasn’t complete. They were unsure if they would be able to bring their new baby home.
Two days after Rachel’s birth Carol contacted Lansing.
‘I’m holding my new daughter in my arms, is there anything you can do?? she asked.
The clerk pulled the Verville’s clearance from the bottom of a stack and signed it.
The next day Rachel went home with her parents. In December 1991 her adoption was finalized.
Four years later, another opportunity to adopt was presented through Carol’s work. Again, the Vervilles went through the foster care licensing process, went to the birth and brought home another baby girl. But three days after they had brought her home, they received devastating news? the birth mother had changed her mind.
‘That was one of the most difficult things the three of us have ever gone through,? Carol said. ‘After that, I wasn’t going to do anything to have more children. I was content with my daughter and didn’t want any more hurt. However, Rachel kept asking for a brother or sister.?
A few years after adopting Rachel, the Vervilles had found out they had slim chances of ever conceiving. But with Rachel’s requests for a sibling and Carol hearing at work about the need for foster parents, in 1999 the Vervilles decided to try foster care, knowing that an adoption could result.
They took a foster care training class at Catholic Social Services, an agency that helps place children, and immediately got a call to take in a 12-month-old girl and her newborn brother, whom they brought home from the hospital.
‘You’d think you’d keep a wall up so you don’t get too attached,? Carol said. ‘But we fell in love instantly.?
The children’s birth mother was homeless and a drug addict. The baby had been exposed to heroin and crack cocaine while in the womb. Carol recalled that he was fussy and cried often, but ‘he was easy to love.?
‘Your heart knows what they came from, so it’s easy to be patient.?
The foster care system’s goal is always family reunification, says Carol, so they knew that was possible especially through the court hearings, social worker’s visits and the birth mother’s visits.
‘But we never thought it would be so long,? she said. ‘Giving them back after two years was another grieving process. We had no contact after letting them go, which makes it even harder. You don’t know what happened to them.?
The Vervilles then took a year off from fostering. During this time, events transpired that would eventually lead to the adoptions of their two youngest children.
Rachel, aware from a young age she was adopted, was watching a documentary on Chinese orphaned girls with Mike one day.
‘We need to adopt one of those girls. We can give them a home,? Rachel said.
They told Carol about it.
I thought it was a nice idea, but for someone else,? she said. ‘I didn’t want to get hurt again.?
But for five to six months afterwards, Carol said almost everyday something would come to her attention regarding either adoption, Chinese orphans or adopting orphans from China.
The clincher came one night when the family went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert and the contemporary
Christian singer talked about his daughter’s adoption, showed a video and sang a song about his daughter.
‘I just knew we were supposed to do it,? Carol said. ‘There were all these signs.?
Mike contacted Holt International, an agency specializing in international adoption and the Vervilles began paperwork in the fall of 2002. At this time, they were also fostering two children, a 6-year-old girl and 13-month-old boy who were related. They had brought them into their home in early summer, in what was supposed to be a short-term stay.
In June 2003, the girl was placed in another foster care home with her half-brothers while the boy, Brian, went back to his birth mother.
On Oct. 31, the Vervilles were informed that Brian was coming back into the foster care system and were asked if they wanted to take him in again as a foster child. They did and while they were worried he wouldn’t remember them, those fears were quickly laid to rest.
‘His exact words were ‘Momma? and ‘Rachel?,? Carol said, smiling.
Just two weeks later, on Nov. 17, the Vervilles were told there was a child waiting in China for them. They had been told to be ready to travel within six weeks of being notified and Carol, Mike and Rachel left for Beijing on Dec. 31, 2003 to adopt the 13-month-old girl they had
already named Hope. Carol’s sister came to their home to take care of Brian for two weeks.
In Beijing, they had four days of sightseeing and orientation with the adoption agency before they left to go to a hotel in Hefei, capital of the Anhui province.
The orphans were brought to the hotel and Mike explained that the adoption agency worker announced to them and other adoptive parents, ‘The babies are here.?
Although there were 13 babies in that room, Mike and Carol said they recognized Hope right away from the pictures they had been sent. However, they had to get through the language barrier and paperwork first to confirm she was theirs.
‘It’s quite an emotional experience,? Mike said. ‘Everyone was crying. It was incredible.?
Hope went to Rachel first, and then her new mother and father. They spent their first days together bonding in the hotel room, made somewhat easier by the fact that Hope had pneumonia and was ready for extra care, Carol said.
But Hope never had stranger anxiety and Mike said he can’t think of one moment over the last year that has been difficult or trying with Hope.
Last April, Mike and Carol were told they could petition to adopt Brian.
‘When we heard we could adopt him, it was a no-brainer,? Carol said. ‘He was already our son.?
His adoption was finalized in November.
It was a challenge to go through the process of adoption, Mike said and Carol notes it was an adjustment to go from being a family with one older child to adding two babies overnight.
‘It was different for awhile,? said Rachel, an eighth-grader at Brandon Middle School.
‘Sometimes I felt like this wasn’t what I wanted. But I like being a sister because you can always be there for them. I can teach them stuff and help take care of them. They really look up to me.?
The biggest challenge, the Vervilles say, has been other people who perceive adopted children as different than ‘natural? children.
‘We’re sensitive to the words people use,? Carol said. ‘I am the real Mom.?
Their joy in being adoptive parents is no different than the joy biological parents have, but there is an added dimension to it.
‘On the one hand, there is no separate joy than just from having your own children. Watching them grow, watching them develop and mature and learn to do different things and experience life,? Mike said. ‘But I think the biggest joy for us with adoption, especially with Hope and Brian, is that we know their lives are going to be better than what they would have been if we hadn’t adopted them.?
Mike noted that the reason he and Carol adopted Hope and Brian is different than the reason they adopted Rachel. With their eldest daughter, they felt fortunate and ecstatic to adopt her. When they were given the opportunity they believed it was part of God’s plan. But as they got older, they realized they wanted to give the opportunity for a better life to other children.
Mike, a partner in an advertising firm, said he came to a realization as he aged.
‘As you get older, really, ultimately, what are you going to do in your old age. What is there to leave after you’re gone from this planet but your children and the heritage of a belief in God and belief in loving other people?? he asked. ‘If you can’t do that through example and pass it on to other people, then what’s the point??
‘It’s not so much about creating monuments or being thought of as great people. Our legacy is in our children and instilling in them a love for God and love for people around them. Our best way to set an example of showing love for others is to adopt and be foster care parents,? said Mike.
Carol agreed.
‘Children are the greatest privilege and blessing that anyone could ever experience.?