It must be genetic.
There has to be something in my Deoxyribonucleic acid which makes me such an expert. My blue-collar dad was always fussy about how his clothes fit. The buttons on his shirt had to line up with his belt buckle and zipper on his trousers. I think he called it his “gig line.” His father, John Joseph Jeremiah Rush, over 6 feet tall, with a 28-inch waste and barrel chest, was a clothes model in Detroit in the 1920s.
Is it any wonder why I am considered by almost everybody in the universe as a fashion GOD?
I know, it is a hard burden to carry, but I have broad shoulders. I can handle the responsibility and I am about to share with you, my minions, that my fashion-maven spidy senses really start to tingle when the temperatures fall — next week.
(Time out! I just Googled maven to see how it was spelled — with an I or an E . . . maven is from the Yiddish word “meyvn.” Who woulda thunk it? Learn something new all the time! Now back to this “gem” of a column.)
Guess what? Forty-degree mornings and 50-something-degree days always opens the clothes closet to my soul.
My dazzlingly skilled, and well-honed fashion senses are tingling so powerfully that were I a spider, my entire 1,800-square-foot money-pit-of-a-home would be covered with a fine, silk-like web, just like the end of that 1970s made for TV horror movie, Kingdom of The Spiders, starring William Shatner.
But alas, I ain’t a spider, merely a man with a plan. And that plan (in a word, although it’s really two) is SWEATER VEST.
Bam! There it is, in writing: The Secret To My Fashion success — sweaters without sleeves.
With the fall weather comes my spectacularly wonderful, and ever-growing sweater vest collection.
You don’t dig the sweater vest look?
How about khaki slacks? What are your thoughts on white, puffy tennis shoes?
How about tan colored, lace-up shoes?
Okay, how about this look . . . blue jeans (with a crease in front of the legs), Hawaiian shirt, blue sports jacket? How about the creased blue jeans, Hawaiian shirt, blue sports jacket, accompanied with the white, puffy tennis shoes?
Are you doubting my legendary status in the Metro Detroit fashion scene?
It’s the time of year when those of us with dangly bits and true fashion sense really shine. I think this is the time of the year when those of you without dangly bits (women) secretly long for, too. This is the time of year your hearts beat a little faster, your palms sweat a little more, your legs wobble and your heads swoon. How can you not have feelings of deep longing when you see those of us with fashion moxy walking down the aisle at the local grocery wearing (from top to bottom): unbuttoned flannel shirt, contrasting colored tee, tucked into khaki shorts atop white crew socks that stick out of dark work boots?
I ask you, what’s not to love about that fall fashion look?
My fall fashion senses are, as the trendy social media types like to say, “on Fleek.” Spot on. Truly on point.
Ladies, if you need your man to follow my lead into the fine, fall fashion world, drop me a line. I will gladly offer my services for a small consulting fee.
What can I say? I have a talent, a gift when it comes to men’s fashion. And, when you’re so gifted, why be stingy with it? I learned long ago reading Marvel Comics, “with great power comes great responsibility.” I shall share my powers of plaid, paisley and other such fashion jargon with the world. It’s the only right thing to do.
Am I right?
Now, that I am thinking of it, maybe we should start a new fashion movement, Fashion by Don, right here in the Metro Detroit area. I am positive this movement, while the United Workers Association are on strike, will help the local economy.
Ahem — don’t laugh.
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From ye ol’ mail bag: Hi Don, Well if it is indeed Be Kind to Writers and Editors month, then surely I will be kind enough to compliment you.
Thank you for your slurry of slightly sly social-media sentiments a couple issues ago. I cracked up over the BadRichards! Humor indeed has a way of healing, or at least calming the negative aspects of humanity — Angie
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Thanks Angie! September indeed was Be Kind To Writers and Editors month. Readers are always welcome to share their opinion, send, via email to: DontRushDon@gmail.com