I consulted my writing muse and asked for a topic for this week’s Don’t Rush Me. . . . We batted ideas back and forth. We touched on hot topics like gay marraige, July 4, make the most of life. All good ideas.
But, I am not gonna use them. Everybody is talking about gay marraige and July 4, so I will go off reservation and . . .
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Growing up in the 1970s, one of the things my family did together, after dinner, most nights, was watch game shows.
We watched Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Match Game, Family Feud, The Price is Right, Let’s Make a Deal and Hollywood Squares. (I am sure there’s more, but space is tight.)
So, with sinful delight I smiled as I read the following e-mail on Hollywood Square quotes. Whether or not the quotes are true, I could care less — I can imagine the celebrities saying them. In the hallowed halls of Don’t Rush Me-dom I am not a journalist, I just try to make folks smile or get mad. Hopefully, you’ll smile like I did.
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Hollywood Squares host Peter Marshall is asking the questions.
Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, ‘I Love You??
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
What are, ‘Do It,? ‘I Can Help,? and ‘I Can’t Get Enough??
George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.
Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.
In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected.
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.