Dave Rozema
Special to the Review

I am often asked to speak to parent groups concerning issues of drinking and other substance abuse amongst adolescents. A equally important issue, but one I am seldom asked to discuss, is the sexual behavior of our adolescents. Like drinking and drug use, adults are not around when decisions are made about what is appropriate sexual behavior. This is a very touchy topic.
Views will range from; ‘no sexual behavior is appropriate,? to ‘premarital sex is appropriate when you ‘love? the person.? It is certainly not my role to suggest a particular value you should have.
The truth is that there is no ‘answer.? There are values that are held by parents, grandparents, other family members, and the values of our children and their friends. What I wish to address is the importance of intentionally and directly expressing your values to your children.
Our children live in a very different world than you or I grew up in. Their world is much more permissive. Most music, videos, movies, and TV shows do not reflect the values of previous generations. I know from my own experience that this has been true for every generation. I grew up in the 60’s (yeah, I’m a little older than most of you). I certainly remember the different views I had compared to my parents. And they were really different from my grandparents. So, no matter how old you were or what life was like when you were a teenager, it is different now. And it will again be different between your kids and your grandchildren.
It seems to me that everything has been put in fast forward. We are rushing our kids to be so grown up so fast and we don’t understand how that affects so many of their values. Sex is thought of as an adult behavior and our kids are being expected to act like adults.This relates to drinking and drug use also. How many of our kids would say. ‘Well my parents do it,? when asked about the appropriateness of drinking or drug use.
What I believe is important is that we talk to our kids about our values, and that we act in a way that expresses those values. I am in no way judging any value along the spectrum of values. I am saying let them know what those values are. Sex education is a comprehensive ongoing expression of values that needs to be reinforced throughout your child’s adolescence. It is not the one time talk about the birds and the bees.