The mother of all holidays is upon us. Thanksgiving is centered around food and football, which ironically enough, is what I center my entire life around.
This Thanksgiving Day, much like all others, will be spent at the parents’ place. Even though it is before the fact I know exactly how the day will go. Let me give you the rundown.
9:30 a.m.: Wake up excited about the fact that I will eat my weight in turkey.
10 a.m.: My excitement turns to annoyance as I realize Channel 4 once again is allowing Devin Scillian to sing country music during the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
10:45 a.m.: Laugh hysterically at the marching businessmen doing their parade routine.
Noon: Watch the FOX NFL Pregame show where Howie Long tells me what 44 things need to happen for the Lions to have a shot at winning the Thanksgiving Day game.
2 p.m.: Officially begin consuming the Thanksgiving Day meal.
3:15 p.m.: Slowly fall into my food coma.
5 p.m.: Aunt will attempt to get everybody motivated to play some sort of card game. I state I am saving my energy for dessert.
5:30 p.m.: I indulge in dessert and am officially done eating for the day.
5:35 p.m.: I began thinking about tomorrow’s leftovers.
As you can see, I will have a very full day on Thursday. So with all the creativity of a baboon, I thought my three readers would enjoy the obligatory Thanksgiving column.
With that in mind your friendly, local editor is thankful for:
• the fact that Michael Jackson might be in prison by the time the wife and I decide we want to have kids.
• the television show “The King of Queens” being in syndication. It is the best sitcom since “Seinfeld” and tickles my funny bone every night at 11:30 p.m.
• my health. Well, as healthy as a slightly overweight individual who enjoys the occasional fast food trip or beer can be.
• Oakland County resident Bob Seger being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Seger is a greatly underrated artist who has had one great song after another.
• being able to spend the holiday with family. And I am not just saying that because they are feeding me mass quantities of food.
• that as of the writing of this column nobody has referred to Thanksgiving Day as Turkey Day in my presence. A note to all of my three readers: this is neither humorous or original so please stop the madness.
I hope everybody enjoys their Thanksgiving holiday, wherever you spend it.
(Kyle Gargaro is the editor of The Clarkston News. His e-mail address is KyleG44@aol.com.)