A bust on Naked Gardening Day

I admit I am, at times, overly zealous in my enthusiasms. And, sometimes, even in public speaking roles, I can get on a roll where what comes out of my mouth is as much a surprise to my ears as to all those other hearing ears not attached to my head.
Sometimes I just get too excited. I want to share. I want to get in and just do it . . . and that’s when my troubles usually begin.
At our small business networking group, ClarkstonCoffeeClub.com, last Thursday morning the meeting ended with the usual stuff of note which are upcoming.
Someone said, “It’s Cinco De Mayo today.”
Then, somebody else said, “Mother’s Day is Sunday.”
And, I said something like, “I love mothers, and I really love single moms.”
Which lead to me adding, “You may not know this, but Saturday is World Naked Gardening Day. Hoeing and tilling and seed planting encouraged.”
I slinked away and tried to exit as unnoticed as possible.
* * *
I’ve tried to build up World Naked Gardening Day (WNGD) ever since that fateful day last year when my old buddy, old pal Lake Orion Police Chief Jerry Narsh brought it to my attention.
It sounded like an interesting idea. I went back and searched the archives in the hallowed halls of Don’tRushMedom and confirmed last WNGD the weather in these parts was perfect.
Wrote I, “World Naked Gardening Day — this past Saturday — was an awesome day for getting out in the yard to weed, turn over the compost pile and just get dirt under your finger nails. Blue sky, white fluffy clouds.
“Saturday was warm, sunny and breezy. The bumble bees were bumbling; the gnats where gnatting and there were not too many mosquitos.
I don’t normally describe anything this way, but it was damned near perfect. I love this time of year for all those reasons I mentioned and you better believe I was out and rooting around in the dirt. (If you were to look at my finger nails now, you see some of the garden soil is still with me, even as I type.)”
This year’s weather was looking promising. As late as Thursday, I heard this past Saturday’s weather was gonna be sunny and 70. Bam! Perfect day to get out and be one under the sun with nature au naturale.
Alas, it wasn’t to be. It was a little chilly out. Cloudy. Rainy.
Of course, that may explain why my neighbors were out Thursday and Friday dancing around a fire, waving their arms and chanting up to the sky. Their rain dance was successful in keeping the bad moon from rising over in my yard.
* * *
Maybe they thought I was really, seriously gonna do “it” this past Saturday. In truth, I don’t think gardening in the nude is such a great idea.
Aside from the aesthetics of a pasty white dude glowing in the sunlight, gardening requires the use of a lot of sharp tools like shovels, saws, shears, clippers, nippers, cloppers and other things that just thinking about shivers me timbers.
Besides with all that bending over the chances of me getting a sun burn were the sun ain’t ‘spose to shine is about 100 percent.
This is in sharp contrast to what the WNGD folks say about gardening in your birthday suit. I went to that bastion of truthiness, Wikipedia and found this:
“According to organizers, ‘besides being liberating, nude gardening is second only to swimming as an activity that people are most ready to consider doing nude.’”
Interesting, I always considered the Number One thing to do in the nude, is bathing, followed by other things.
Also, organizers cited the “fringe benefits” of “bare, unabashed recreation” as “the attractiveness of an all-over tan” and “more vitamin D on your whole body.” I have one word for them, “Melanoma.”
I am also sure these are the same folks who support and push World Naked Bike Riding Day. Yeee-ouch, that does not sound comfortable.
* * *
So, I was gonna buy one of those “selfie” stick to attach to my cellphone/camera which let’s you hold your camera away from you to take a picture. I planned on setting up a fake shot of me nakedly gardening — standing behind a fence with my shirt off, holding a hoe — and then post it on Facebook. But, dangnabit! The weather foiled my evil course of action.
Maybe next year, if you’re lucky, I can make it happen!
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